its a thin line between life and death

The line between life and death is so thin its sometimes unimaginable what happens. People are taken long before their time and there really isn't anything we could have done to prevent it. i believe that one of the best heart healers is music. No matter what genre you listen to there will always  be those songs that catch you when you have no strength to stand. music heals our souls. It gives us something to believe in again after the world has gone dark. Losing a loved one is never easy & in my family I've experienced so much heartache with the loss of loved ones over & over again. Sometimes the pain stops you right in your tracks but against all odds you have to live your life. Don't stop living just because someone has taken their last breathe. Keep them in your heart & live your life in remembrance of loved ones lost. The only way to celebrate the gift of life is to live it.

Most times we will have no warning at all when someoneslife is taken away. Never let friendships drift away keep them close. When you have something hidden inside that you want to tell someone try to let them know because you never know if it'll be too late to do so. Life is all too short for some but if we try to always let the ones we love know that we do love them you'll never regret not telling them. But i believe that after death there is more & we will be together again. Until we meet again. :] 

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

We’re not just tossed by the wind,

or left in the hands of fate.

But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected.

And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under...

I dig my heels in deep,

and I fight to keep my ground.

Still, at times the hurt inside grows stronger.

And there’s nothing I can do but let out...

Just let me cry.

I know it’s hard to see.

But the pain I feel isn’t going away today.

Just let me cry.

Till every tear has fallen.

Don’t ask when...

and don’t ask why.

Just let me cry.

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me.

I understood that there would be a chance that it would break.

But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling...

And I know in time He’ll take the pain away.

But for now...

Just let me cry.

I know it’s hard to see.But the pain I feel isn’t going away today.

Just let me cry.

Till every tear has fallen.

Don’t ask when...

and don’t ask why.

Just let me cry.

I have felt joy,

the kind that makes my heart want to sing.

And so my tears are not a surrender,

I’ll feel that way again.

But for now...

For this moment...

Just let me cry.

I know it’s hard to see.

But the pain I feel.

Isn’t going away today.

Just let me cry.

Till every tear has fallen.

Don’t ask when...

and don’t ask why.

Just let me cry.

Realization of growing old.

 I turned a few pages in my life no matter how bitter-sweet it might have been i said adios too being a teenager!!! On the last day in February i turned twenty years old & man do i feel so freaking old. I came to the conclusion that Im not sixteen anymore....explanation. Staying up till four in the morning three nights straight is simply suicidal. I need a set bedtime that i must stick too or i will never be able to function. Also going along with this energy drinks don't seem to work as well as they did when i was sixteen or maybe that just comes with being that young lots of energy running on zero sleep. I need my sleep and LOTS of it. I honestly do not know how we did that.

As i grow older life gets busier. Its just the way of life post high school life. I have friends that i may not see for months but as soon as we hang out we don't seem to skip a beat. These friendships mean the absolute most to me! I miss the days when i couldn't see past Friday nights football game with my friends. Not that i miss high school everyday but the simplicity of high school life. Every little thing seemed epic and any disaster was catastrophic. I look back at what i thought was going to ruin my life and really it wasn't that bad compared to some of the things i have to deal with today. Maybe i was just a big baby or that's how everyone is in high school. Sometimes i want so badly to go back to when baseball games & hills marathons at Maddi's house consumed my  life i absolutely loved it. But you cant stop time in it's tracks. Whether your moving forward or not time flies by you & life goes on. Growing up is a natural part of life but whats important is to make every minute of life count.

When people ask me if i could go back to high school would i go back? Honestly, probably not. I do miss getting all dressed up for school dances though:] I'd much rather go back to my Jr high school days. When i think of Jr. high three things come to mind. Maddi.Teesha.Joanna. They were always there through thick and thin. We jumped out of school portables to ditch class, we walked to reams everyday after school & getting Jones, collecting Jones bottles, we had sleepovers in Maddi's trailer, played at parks, dressing up in teeshs tutu's, playing with teeshs litte sisters horses in her room....Maddi: i eat crackers like you for dinner....me: well i eat niggas like you breakfast haha (Maddi=a black horse me=a white horse) you had to be there...., ALL OF OUR "YOU HAD TO BE THERE" MOMENTS, getting ready in teeshs bathroom....coolest bathroom ever always had to have music blasting, squirt gun fights, msn chatting at Maddi's house, loved loved loved the Andy milonakis show, our punkish stage in life, getting ready for Jr high dances together listening too the song milkshakes on repeat the whole time, all four of us sharing one locker at school....not our greatest idea the wrong notebooks were always taken to class, bangs in the face, band t shirts, converses, Maddi & teesh impersonating Mexicans to scare Spencer & kyle, learning the napoleon dynamite dance at Joanna's house at three in the morning, getting the s.e.x. talk from Joanna's brother (he'd never just say the word sex he had to spell it out haha), we always went swinging when we were frustrated (it really was the best stress therapy),  played spies in Maddi's backyard with the sprinklers on, maddi & teesha hiding my softball stuff in maddis house, also trying to prank me by making food and putting ten pounds of salt on it, jumped on the tramp in the rain, our school lagoon days (maddis being terrified of the chair lift thing),danced in the middle of the road in the rain, jumped off Maddi's roof on to the tramp, sleepovers on the tramp, teesh & maddis workout videos, & the list goes on and on. We laughed together, we fought together, we cried together, we loved together, not matter what happened we did it together. Those days were truly the best days even more carefree than high school life. Back then we were just little babies! But i truly do miss it:]:]

Now look at us. Teesha is living in Wyoming with a beautiful, two year old daughter Elliotte Jane. Its been such a long time since i have seen them both but being a full time mom & working is a busy job. Maybe her living in Wyoming makes it hard haha. Joanna is the always on the move. She's working as a bank teller, living in provo & is going to work for Del Sol in the summer. Sadly she has to move in order to do that:[! But she'll be back at the end of the summer thank goodness. Maddi is the one i probably keep most in contact with though sadly its not a lot. She's a busy woman working full time and attending UVU! Then there's me Graduated Cosmetology working for my dad & mapleton city but waiting to get started on the salon job hunt in the spring to start saving away to help pay for a new car or maybe a wedding in the near future:] Our paths which once looked so far away are now right in front of us. Sadly it has led us in different ways, taking us different places in life but there is still nothing i wouldn't do to go back to the days where the four of us were inseparable.



"LIFE IS ABOUT...

TRUSTING YOUR FEELINGS AND TAKING CHANCES LOOSING AND FINDING HAPPINESS, APPRECIATING THE MEMORIES AND LEARNING FROM THE PAST AND REALIZING PEOPLE ALWAYS CHANGE. FRIENDS ARE FOREVER & PICTURES REALLY ARE WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS."

here is to these memories & long lasting friendship of

maddi jo brown&joanna may olesen&brittney jo wall&teesha larsen

Don't get me wrong getting older has its perks too:] Your parents pretty much trust you to make your own decisions  & learn from your mistakes. When you fall they offer a helping hand but try to let you figure it out on your own while still staying near to lend another hand if needed. I like not feeling like a naive child everywhere i go. Most adults will actually listen to what it is you have to say. Who knew being labeled as a high school student unknowingly meant your opinions meant little to nothing. I've noticed getting stronger with every hurdle that comes my way. No I'm not the highest jumper in the bunch dodging hurdles was never my forte but i have figured out how to lower them so that i can soar over them successfully. Just gotta take it one day at a time.

But its true... i get by with a little help from my friends. Sometimes even a memory will do:]

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up"

-The Wonder Years



the story of love

love

noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend

I see love as being one of the most profound things on this planet. We always hear love is patient, love is kind but they never tell us how hard love really is. In all reality love is scary. Especially in high school because its never "real love." No one believes you even if it is real love you get the same response... your too young to know what love it. Most of the time we don't know what love is. I confess to telling some i loved them just because they said it to me. But who hasn't when they're fifteen? I do believe you can be in love when your young but i don't think you fully understand it until your older. Love is scary. Being so vulnerable to someone is what scares me the most. I have the tendency of trusting people too easily who just end up letting me down in the end. After that i shut down and try not to let anyone in but sometimes you just cant help it. Someone comes into your life who changes the rules to the game.

The thing about love that is so amazing is everyone can have, or be in love. People who's lives have been struck by poverty can have it. The rich cant buy it & the poor live for it. It has amazing healing powers. Love can be unconditional. It can withstand the element of time, its never separated by seas, and a hurricane cant penetrate it. Love can move mountains. No matter how much hatred and war in the world there will always be love. Love can & will last forever. Love is timeless, i love you the same if not more yesterday, today, & tomorrow. Love knows no distance. Love doest know miles, deserts or oceans love can cross them all. We see it all the time. Stories of grandparents being married for fifty plus years, fate bringing two unlikely people together. The beauty of love is love can be for a boy or a girl or a place or a way of life or a friend or even for a family. But where you find it is up to you. Whether you open your heart to love is also up to you.

But the world is out to destroy love. It wants you to believe there is no such thing as love. Why try when most marriages end up in divorce? So if we just don't ever fall in love we will never get hurt. But if we don't fall in love we will never be truly happy. The media has turned love into sex. But that's not always true...ask single teen moms. There is a war on love right now. Please don't ever let a chance at love slip through your fingers. I understand what its like to love someone its hard, sometimes scary but it can also be the most amazing feeling you've ever experienced. Love may change but willing to be open to love is the most important thing. So get out there and find the one:] allow your self to fall head over heels. It'll be the best thing you'll ever do.

"There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved."
-George Sand

"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, Love still stands when all else has fallen."

-The Bible

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

-Elizabeth Browning

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
-Sam Keen 

its a love story so baby just say yes:]

The beginning of it all

here we go....
yes i brittney wall have jumped on the blogging bandwagon. I always read some of my friends blogs on facebook and i read witney wilsons new blog about her new years resolution to keep a journal. She said she gave into blogging simply because its a way of keeping a journal. We both have that in common. I'm horrible at keeping a journal but always wish that i had. Well witney you planted that little idea of blogging being a journal in my head and now here ya go. Alana Finalyson you have also forced upon me the world of blogging with your insightful blogs. I have surrendered to the blogging world.

Since this is a new year and a new blog we'll go back to the year 2010.

The biggest significance of last year also happened to be the biggest challenge of my life. I never thought I'd be jealous of a state. But Michigan you have taking away half of me for two years. Elder Chance Bird, my boyfriend of two years (march 9th will be our 3 year mark) left on his mission to Lansing Michigan March 3, 2010. I literally felt like i was going to die without him here. I had a little bit of help from friends and family, even a few missionary girlfriends from my school you know who you are:] How are you supposed to deal with something like this. I took it one day at a time no matter how the day was slow, sad, good, bad, lonely, happy, it was one day closer to having him home. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In 13 days he will have hit his year mark and the count down will begin:] I feel like I've already won. All those who told me to my face or behind my back that I'd never wait, or that I'd be married when he got home  stick  that in your juice box & suck it..  I'm going to make it. How could i not he's the love of my life. I know that love can change and everything happens for a reason. But i believe in my heart that he is the one for me. I write my own story i don't let it get written for me. i know exactly where i want to end up in life and who i want to end up with. Gregory Chance Bird is the one.

No one knows how hard it is to send a missionary off until you are in that position. I wanna thank those who had kinds words of advice to help me get started. Chelsea Walker & Witney Wilson were a big help when chance first left. Every time i needed a pep talk they were there and for that i thank you for that:]

isn't he just so cute:] I've learned a lot about my self having a missionary out. I actually can be okay without someone. I honestly didn't think i could do it in the beginning. I knew i wanted to, i knew he wanted me to but in all reality i just didn't know if i could. Two years is a long time. Every time i look down at my hand I'm reminded by my promise ring why out of all the boys I've ever date why he's the one who stuck around.

But I'm taking it one day at a time and hearing what he is experiencing makes all the difference. He strengthens my testimony and reminds me on a daily basis why he loves me with all his emails and letters. I could be having the worlds worst day and all i have to do to turn it around is go check the mail:]

enough about him...

I graduated from hair school last March and got a job in a salon in Spanish fork. I ended up quiting after a few months when they wanted me to switch to booth rent. It was a new place and not constantly busy so i decided to leave on my own terms because it just wasn't right for me. But all in all it was a great experience for me. I've been doing hair from my house and will hopefully get a job at a more established salon in the spring. But for now I'm just enjoying doing a little bit of nothing. I've always had things going on constantly while in high school. I didn't even feel like i had graduate high school because i was still in hair school when i graduated high school for another seven months. I know a lot  people think hair school is a cop out for girls who don't want to go to college but actually its what I've wanted to do since i was in sixth grade. I absolutely love it. One day after i am married and can afford a house i want to have a salon in the basement of my home so i can work and raise a family on my own terms. 

i made some great friends, learned a lot of life lessons, got into ridiculous fights with so called friends, but came out with a renewed love for what i want to do for the rest of my life. Your always going to have drama in hair school. its 2,000 hours of school with just girls (mostly) but some of the memories i had i wouldn't trade for the world. I was sad that it took away from my senior year in high school but it cost my parents a lot less for me to do it that way so i was okay with it. 

My brother got married in November:] man wedding planning is crazy & it wasn't even my wedding! It was hard knowing i wouldn't see my brother as often but he's happy and i love him. We welcomed Sally in to our family, my new sister in law.

 

Life has been pretty good. Hair school done, new additions to the family, & the mission of course. Last year brought me lots of changes and difficult decisions.

"If you're alone, I'll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me."  ~Author Unknown

Great friends have kept me busy and helped me through it all. Never underestimate the power of friendship. I have amazing friends. They're my shoulders to cry on my words of inspiration. They keep me going when i lose hope in myself. I never face anything alone and i am so grateful for those god has placed in my life. As we get older our lives get busier and we may not get to see all our friends as much as we'd like to. You have those friends who you may not see everyday but when you do its like you say them everyday last week. You never skip a beat. These friendships i cherish more than anything. My friends mean everything in the world to me. I've made some new friends who have become instant best friends. Its not how long you've known a person its what they've done for you in the length of time you've known them.

My amazing friend brittany benson & i decided to take an institute class this semester at UVU! its the best decision i ever made. I love my teacher i learn so much when I'm there i love it! She also took me out for valentines day! It was probably the best valentine day I've ever had. We got all dressed up for dinner at happy sumo where I tried sushi for the first time (still on the fence about it) then went to the Justin bieber movie! She helps me out a ton because she's in the same boat as i am. Her missionary Corbin Critchfield comes home this year....uh in august i think. Its so nice to have someone to talk to who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through. It has been a blessing having her in my life.

All in all 2010 was a challenging but good year. 2011 has started off great:] I'm stronger than i was before and feel like i can take on the world. lets see if i can keep this blogging thing going. Just remind me its like a journal.