Friday, March 11, 2011

Realization of growing old.

 I turned a few pages in my life no matter how bitter-sweet it might have been i said adios too being a teenager!!! On the last day in February i turned twenty years old & man do i feel so freaking old. I came to the conclusion that Im not sixteen anymore....explanation. Staying up till four in the morning three nights straight is simply suicidal. I need a set bedtime that i must stick too or i will never be able to function. Also going along with this energy drinks don't seem to work as well as they did when i was sixteen or maybe that just comes with being that young lots of energy running on zero sleep. I need my sleep and LOTS of it. I honestly do not know how we did that.

As i grow older life gets busier. Its just the way of life post high school life. I have friends that i may not see for months but as soon as we hang out we don't seem to skip a beat. These friendships mean the absolute most to me! I miss the days when i couldn't see past Friday nights football game with my friends. Not that i miss high school everyday but the simplicity of high school life. Every little thing seemed epic and any disaster was catastrophic. I look back at what i thought was going to ruin my life and really it wasn't that bad compared to some of the things i have to deal with today. Maybe i was just a big baby or that's how everyone is in high school. Sometimes i want so badly to go back to when baseball games & hills marathons at Maddi's house consumed my  life i absolutely loved it. But you cant stop time in it's tracks. Whether your moving forward or not time flies by you & life goes on. Growing up is a natural part of life but whats important is to make every minute of life count.

When people ask me if i could go back to high school would i go back? Honestly, probably not. I do miss getting all dressed up for school dances though:] I'd much rather go back to my Jr high school days. When i think of Jr. high three things come to mind. Maddi.Teesha.Joanna. They were always there through thick and thin. We jumped out of school portables to ditch class, we walked to reams everyday after school & getting Jones, collecting Jones bottles, we had sleepovers in Maddi's trailer, played at parks, dressing up in teeshs tutu's, playing with teeshs litte sisters horses in her room....Maddi: i eat crackers like you for well i eat niggas like you breakfast haha (Maddi=a black horse me=a white horse) you had to be there...., ALL OF OUR "YOU HAD TO BE THERE" MOMENTS, getting ready in teeshs bathroom....coolest bathroom ever always had to have music blasting, squirt gun fights, msn chatting at Maddi's house, loved loved loved the Andy milonakis show, our punkish stage in life, getting ready for Jr high dances together listening too the song milkshakes on repeat the whole time, all four of us sharing one locker at school....not our greatest idea the wrong notebooks were always taken to class, bangs in the face, band t shirts, converses, Maddi & teesh impersonating Mexicans to scare Spencer & kyle, learning the napoleon dynamite dance at Joanna's house at three in the morning, getting the s.e.x. talk from Joanna's brother (he'd never just say the word sex he had to spell it out haha), we always went swinging when we were frustrated (it really was the best stress therapy),  played spies in Maddi's backyard with the sprinklers on, maddi & teesha hiding my softball stuff in maddis house, also trying to prank me by making food and putting ten pounds of salt on it, jumped on the tramp in the rain, our school lagoon days (maddis being terrified of the chair lift thing),danced in the middle of the road in the rain, jumped off Maddi's roof on to the tramp, sleepovers on the tramp, teesh & maddis workout videos, & the list goes on and on. We laughed together, we fought together, we cried together, we loved together, not matter what happened we did it together. Those days were truly the best days even more carefree than high school life. Back then we were just little babies! But i truly do miss it:]:]

Now look at us. Teesha is living in Wyoming with a beautiful, two year old daughter Elliotte Jane. Its been such a long time since i have seen them both but being a full time mom & working is a busy job. Maybe her living in Wyoming makes it hard haha. Joanna is the always on the move. She's working as a bank teller, living in provo & is going to work for Del Sol in the summer. Sadly she has to move in order to do that:[! But she'll be back at the end of the summer thank goodness. Maddi is the one i probably keep most in contact with though sadly its not a lot. She's a busy woman working full time and attending UVU! Then there's me Graduated Cosmetology working for my dad & mapleton city but waiting to get started on the salon job hunt in the spring to start saving away to help pay for a new car or maybe a wedding in the near future:] Our paths which once looked so far away are now right in front of us. Sadly it has led us in different ways, taking us different places in life but there is still nothing i wouldn't do to go back to the days where the four of us were inseparable.

Don't get me wrong getting older has its perks too:] Your parents pretty much trust you to make your own decisions  & learn from your mistakes. When you fall they offer a helping hand but try to let you figure it out on your own while still staying near to lend another hand if needed. I like not feeling like a naive child everywhere i go. Most adults will actually listen to what it is you have to say. Who knew being labeled as a high school student unknowingly meant your opinions meant little to nothing. I've noticed getting stronger with every hurdle that comes my way. No I'm not the highest jumper in the bunch dodging hurdles was never my forte but i have figured out how to lower them so that i can soar over them successfully. Just gotta take it one day at a time.

But its true... i get by with a little help from my friends. Sometimes even a memory will do:]

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up"
-The Wonder Years

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