This is my absolute favorite quote about what marriage is. It describes my marriage with my husband, in fact just the other night we had a little fight before going to bed. As we both said what we needed to say, exchanged apologizes, & the cuddled to go to sleep. Chance sweetly said, "Do you know what I love about us? That not matter what we fight about I always know that we will be okay. That there is nothing that is going to make either of us just give up & walk out." Yes, I understand that we haven't been married that long, but guess what if you have that in your mind that no matter what you are not going to give up on this isn't that something everyone should do?? I feel like that is a great way to start off a marriage being on the same page. No we don't agree on everything & we fight. But we love each other more than we ever fight. I have been told all my life in your marriage you always learn new things, whether you have been married 25 years or 1 year, you along with your marriage continually grows. Through my own marriage & through the marriage of loved ones around me I feel like I have picked up on enough good knowledge to have a great marriage.
Having Real Expectations
Being married isn't always easy, it's not
always fair, it's never perfect, & guess what it's not all about
you. You are not better than your spouse you are equals & you have
to compromise, even when you don't want to. Your life is not a movie, or a
fairytale, it's real. Stop expecting your husband to be like those perfect men in your chic flicks. Be real, that's just what you do when you are in love. I think too many people now a days thinks that their spouse
needs to give them this fairytale love story, & devote 110%
of their time to them. All these girls have these unrealistic expectations of
what a marriage is. A marriage
is messy, fun, & sometimes aggravating, but at the end of the day
it is a team effort. One person does not have all the responsibility to
make you happy all of the time. That is such a huge burden to place on someone, especially your spouse & it is incredibly unfair.
Your spouse & you aren't identical in every aspect of life, guess what that is a good thing. Just because you both have different interests doesn't mean you can't do them together. You have to compromise, even when you don't want to. Stop making your spouse do everything you want to do, do you not see how extremely selfish that it? But just because you don't like that your spouse hunts, or plays video games, or likes sewing you do not have the right to demand that they can't ever do that again. No one wants to be married to someone who acts like they are your prison warden.
I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean?
Yes I just pulled out lyrics from a Webbie song, not the best example but let's be honest I sing that song every time I spell out independent just like I sing Gwen Stefani when I spell out B-A-N-A-N-A-S, give me a break alright. But having independence in a relationship is key. Yes you have chosen to spend your entire life with this person but does that mean you both signed on to be together 24/7 365 days a year?? NO! I love my husband but I am the type of person who has to see my friends. It may not happen as much as it did before I was married but those relationships are important to me. I do not have to be with my husband all day long, yes there are some days that we are & I love it. But we both like having time to our selves. Whether it is watching my TV shows that Chance dislikes before he gets home from working late or letting him play video games while I watch, or watch netflix on my ipad, or my husband letting me go on a week vacation to Florida while he is off hunting with his dad. Time apart is good. You shouldn't be ditching your spouse every night of the week for your friends but it nice to have some time for you. If you are never apart how are you ever suppose to miss your spouse?
Get Off Your High Horse
You are not better than your spouse, so stop acting like it. End of story.
My awesome friend shared this quote with me yesterday that he has in his home, "The perfect marriage begins when each other believes they got better than they deserve." You are not perfect, neither is your spouse so stop expecting them to be. Don't look down on your spouse because you think you are this big catch that they don't deserve. You better just sign those papers now & spare your spouse from dealing with your crap any longer.
You Marry Their Family Too
I had already made up my mind that when Chance & I got married I would try my best to spend time with both families especially on holidays. Yes it would be easier to choose my family over his every time but guess what I don't. Want to know why?? I love his family!! Even if I didn't like them, I understand the importance of being around family. I think it is so selfish when it is always about one side of the family. You marry their family too so you better set apart time for all sides of each family or you will create problems. This goes back to learning that it's not all about you.
I am not saying that I am perfect, ask Chance he will tell you that I am not but I try. We are not perfect together but like I said at the end of the day we always know we will be okay. I understand things don't always work out between everyone so you make think it foolish of me to think that I know Chance & I will make it. Think what you like though, I think that is the right mind set before getting into a marriage & a great mindset to have throughout your whole marriage. Not thinking oh if this doesn't work out it's no big deal we can just get a divorce no big. If that is your mind set before getting married spare us all & move to Mexico so we don't have to deal with you. You have to work on a marriage each & everyday but that isn't so hard when you marry your best friend. I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a great marriage, a great husband & an even better life because of those two things. Pull your head out of your butt & you will too. :] hahaha but really.