In Memory.

As memorial day approaches my mind can only grasp two things. One that on Saturday I am leaving to California with Chance & his entire family!! I am so excited!! Two I just think about my grandpa. It's a special day where we spend some time as a family decorating his grave with flowers, flags, & pin wheels of course, after taking a weed whacker to the edge of the grass since we all know he liked a nice looking lawn. There are flags placed in a row with the name of every person in the cemetery who have passed who served in the military along with a permanent list of the names of those who served. Such a honor to the sacrifice he made to serve long ago. This day usually makes you feel pride. Pride for who you lost being honored & remember, followed by tears, then the sharing of memories that brings more tears mixed with laughter & smiles. 

Yesterday I spent a few hours looking through old pictures & realizing how lucky I am. I have caught myself feeling jealous of my old cousins who had my grandpa at their graduations & weddings. Seeing him hold his great grand kids. I know I will never have pictures like that. But the sweet thought that enters my mind when I think about this is my children are up in heaven with him right now. He watches over me & when they are bought upon this earth he will be here to watch over them as well. He is watching over his entire family & he is with us constantly. Even though we may not know it I can tell you it's true because I felt it in the temple when I got married. Even though we can't see him he is there & he loves us. Russel M. Nelson once stated in a talk that: "Loving relationships continue beyond the doors of death and judgment. Family ties endure because of sealings in the temple. Their importance cannot be overstated."

It may feel weird to visit his grave & have a one sided conversation with a head stone. But the promise of knowing that loved ones that have passed see who visits their grave. You leave with that happy thought knowing he was watching, he saw you, & he was there. I will admit I had a hard time at first going to his grave. It finalizes it that physically he is gone. Death is a hard thing to grasp even though everyone deals with it numerous times in their life time. I haven't even brought myself to visit my best friend Sean's grave because it's still too hard. Death will always be sad but somehow eventually, despite your best efforts not too, you still keep on living. Our loved ones would be furious at us if the loss of them is effecting us living our lives especially when they know, & we know that we will see each other again. Knowing that we have an eternity of happiness waiting for us after we pass on from here. In reality they probably feel bad for us having to still live down here since i am quite positive heaven is awesome:] That is the only thing that makes life worth living when someone dies. I don't know what my life would be like if i didn't believe in such a thing. 

All I want to do is make my grandpa proud & I hope I am doing an okay job at that. I want my kids & my grand-kids to remember me when I am gone. To remember all the memories we share & the love that I had for them. I want them to be proud of their family & remember loved ones who have passed. If I am half of who my grandpa is, then I will have done my job. Anyways I could go on & on about this amazing man with a million pictures so I thought for the sake of time I could do something better. At work I made a short slide show of some of these photos just to express the point of living for your lost loved ones. Living on in their memory. Taking time to enjoy the little things & remember the memories made that will never be forgotten. 

I love you grandpa Shepherd & I will always remember you. With a kiss & an eye roll:]
(I'm not sure why the slide show uploaded so little. I picked the biggest option for the video. Oh well.)